What People Really Want When They’re Grieving: A Guide to Support
You want to be a supportive friend, but when someone you care about is grieving, it can be challenging to know what to say or do. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or feel unsure about how to offer meaningful help. Grief is a common experience, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to navigate. Many grieving individuals benefit from genuine support and thoughtful gestures. If you or someone you know is grieving, this guide offers practical advice and insights that can help. For those seeking additional support, connecting with grief counselors in Central Phoenix or exploring grief counseling in Phoenix can be a valuable resource.
Understanding the Problem: What to Expect During Grief
Grief is a complex, non-linear process that affects individuals in various ways. While everyone’s experience with loss is unique, there are some common emotional and physical responses to grief.
Common Responses to Grief:
Shock or Denial: Many individuals experience initial disbelief, especially when the loss is sudden. They may momentarily forget the loss and then relive the reality, which can be emotionally taxing.
Anger: Grieving individuals may feel angry at themselves, others, or even at the universe. This anger can stem from the perceived unfairness of the loss or from unresolved feelings.
Sadness or Apathy: It’s common for individuals to feel deep sadness or a lack of motivation. Tasks that once brought joy can feel overwhelming or meaningless.
Neutrality: Some people go through periods of emotional neutrality, which may feel unsettling. They may worry that feeling “okay” means they’re forgetting their loved one.
Understanding that grief doesn’t follow a set timeline is crucial. It’s not something that resolves neatly in a specific number of weeks or months. Grief often comes in waves—sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming.
Many clients I see during grief counseling in Phoenix have shared how these fluctuating emotions can make them feel stuck or misunderstood. But with the right support, they learn how to navigate these waves and find healing.
The Therapist’s Perspective: What Grieving People Really Want
Supporting someone through grief is about more than offering condolences. As a therapist specializing in trauma therapy in Phoenix and grief counseling, I often see that grieving individuals want three main things: genuine connection, practical support, and permission to grieve without judgment.
1. Genuine Connection
Grieving often disrupts a person’s sense of connection to the world. Someone they once leaned on is no longer there, creating a void. Offering genuine connection can help fill that gap, but it’s important to understand the role you play in their life.
If you’re a close friend, you can offer emotional support by checking in with meaningful messages like:
“I know this is a difficult time. I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.”
“You’ve been on my mind. How has this week been for you?”
“Just checking in. If you need anything or just want to chat, I’m here.”
If you’re not as close, consider offering normalcy and consistency instead of deep emotional conversations. Invite them to social events or send lighthearted messages to let them know they’re thought of without any pressure.
2. Practical Support
Grief can make even the simplest daily tasks feel overwhelming. Offering practical help can be incredibly valuable. Instead of asking, “How can I help?” or “Let me know if you need anything,” provide specific offers:
“I made extra dinner tonight. Can I drop some off for you?”
“I’m heading to the store. What can I pick up for you?”
“I’d love to help with house chores this week. Would you be comfortable with that?”
Many clients seeking grief counseling in Phoenix share that these thoughtful gestures make them feel seen and cared for, even when they lack the energy to ask for help.
3. Permission to Be Where They Are
Grief doesn’t have a “right” or “wrong” timeline. One day, they may feel okay, and the next, they may feel consumed by sadness. The best way to support someone grieving is by giving them permission to feel whatever they’re experiencing without pressure or judgment.
If their grief impacts you personally—for example, if they’re your partner and their grief affects household responsibilities—have a compassionate conversation. Express your feelings gently and explore whether adjustments or additional support from a grief counselor in Central Phoenix might be beneficial.
Solutions and Strategies: How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
Offer Consistent Support
Grieving doesn’t end after the funeral. Continue checking in regularly, even months later, when others may have stopped reaching out. Some may feel nervous about bringing up the topic, concerned that they might make the person feel worse than they already do by reminding them of the loss. One thing that has stuck with me as a therapist is that no one can make you feel worse than you already do by asking you how you’re doing. The best balm for heartache is connection and consistent support provides that.
Avoid Toxic Positivity
In an effort to make someone feel better, you might feel the urge to say something positive or hopeful. Statements like “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place” may feel dismissive to someone in deep pain. Shifting to positive talk sometimes communicates the message: Your sad feelings are too much for me and we need to avoid them. See this article on why toxic positivity can be harmful.
Instead, validate their feelings by saying things like:
“This is a really big loss.”
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
“What you feel makes sense.”
“I’m here for you and so glad that you’re sharing this pain with me.”
Be Patient
Grieving individuals may withdraw or seem uninterested in activities they once enjoyed. This is a normal part of processing a loss. When this lingers a long time, it might be an indication that the individual needs additional support processing the loss with a trauma-informed grief therapist in Phoenix. As a supportive person in their life, be patient and let them re-engage at their own pace.
Encourage Professional Help
Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming or prolonged. Suggesting grief counseling in Phoenix can be a supportive step for individuals who need additional help navigating their emotions.
———
Grief is a deeply personal process, but no one should have to navigate it alone. If you know someone who’s grieving, offering genuine connection, practical help, and understanding can make a world of difference. If you’re grieving or feel that someone close to you could benefit from professional support, reach out to our grief counselors in Central Phoenix or schedule a free consultation for grief counseling in Phoenix today.
Let us help you or your loved one find healing and navigate the waves of grief.
