Three steps to finding a therapist that’s a good fit.

Research shows that one of the most important factors for client growth in therapy is that client having a strong therapeutic connection with their clinician (Ardito & Rabellino, 2011). So how do we go about finding that fit?

Think of it like dating - I know, it’s a little cringy, but it’s true. Much like the process of finding a partner, for therapy to work, you’ve got to feel some level of comfort and trust with the person you choose. Given that, it’s normal for it to take a few sessions for the comfort and trust to develop. Rest assured, the effort and wait are worthwhile.

Here are three steps to finding a therapist that’s a good fit.

1. Identify your options

Before you can assess if your therapist is a good fit, you need to have some options. There are numerous ways to get connected to therapists:

• Ask for recommendations from trusted friends

• Ask for recommendations from leaders of communities you’re a part of and trust

• Search Google for something specific like “therapists in Phoenix for adults with anxiety” or “trauma therapy for adults in Phoenix”

• Search online therapist directories like Psychology Today, Therapy Den, Open Path Collective, Inclusive Therapists, etc. (Tip: be sure to filter your results based on the specific concerns you’re wanting to address)

• If you need to use your insurance to cover the cost, search your insurance’s directory through their online platform or give your insurance a call for assistance

• Tip: Therapists are licensed by state, so you’ll want to find a therapist who is licensed in your state - you can find therapists in your state by

Eventually you’ll want to find your way to the therapist’s website or bio. Pay attention to what you feel as you’re reading through their site. Notice if their area of expertise aligns with your presenting concerns. If the therapist speaks about your specific pain points, it’s likely they “get it” and could align with what you need.

You may want to consider if the therapist’s lived experience is a factor for you. For example, it may be important for you to find someone who shares your spiritual background, cultural experience, gender, or age. On the other hand, you might find that you prefer to have someone who differs from you in some of those areas. Choose who you think you will feel safe with as well as who you feel can help you achieve what you’re looking for in therapy.

2. Set up a few consultation calls

It’s recommended to reach out and ask for a free brief consultation (many therapists offer this outright on their website). Talking on the phone with your potential therapist will help you to get a better sense about if you’ll click.

To prepare for that call, have an idea about what you want to work on and what questions you have about working with them. You might consider asking them what approach they use, what can you expect from the first session, how much they charge and their availability.

Schedule a consultation call with two to three therapists. Note: many therapists are pretty full and not accepting new clients, so you may need to email a bunch more before you find a few that have openings. It’s a good idea to take some notes after each call and then discern which you feel is the best option to start with.

Typically clients only see one therapist at a time, so book with only one of them and if they end up not working out for you, you have a few other options to try.

3. Pay attention to what you feel

Once you’re in the first session, notice how you feel with them – do you feel nervous, put-off, defensive, uncertain, or open, understood, and emotionally safe? The first session can feel like an interview, so you may not be sure right away if you click with them. It may take a few sessions before you get a good idea of if you’re feeling something like “first date jitters” or if you’re sensing that you and the therapist aren’t an ideal fit.

You’ll know they’re a good fit if you feel you can trust them, you feel emotionally safe, and sense that they understand what you’re experiencing and have the tools to help you.

Be aware that sometimes being challenged can feel off-putting – if that happens for you, bring it up to your therapist and notice how they handle it. A good, safe therapist ought to be able to hear your feedback and navigate the challenging emotions that are coming up.

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Know that it’s always okay to shop around and find someone new if the first try isn’t a fit for you. Your growth is the most important thing, so prioritize finding someone you trust to help you navigate the road the ahead - you’re worth it.

Not sure how to prepare for therapy sessions once you’ve found a good fit? Check out this post.

References:

Ardito RB, Rabellino D. Therapeutic alliance and outcome of psychotherapy: historical excursus, measurements, and prospects for research. Front Psychol. 2011 Oct 18;2:270. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00270. PMID: 22028698; PMCID: PMC3198542.