How to Make the Most of Therapy

Three suggestions for ensuring your time in therapy is effective.

You’ve made the big decision to invest in therapy, but you don’t want to be here forever, so how do you make the most of it?

Here are three suggestions to get the most from your sessions:

1. Find a “good fit” therapist

Research suggests that one of the key indicators of success for clients is that they feel a strong connection with their therapist (Ardito & Rabellino, 2011). To set yourself up for the best-case scenario, make it a priority to find a therapist that you feel you jive with. You should feel able to open up and be real with your therapist and trust that they have the capacity to understand your pain and help you navigate it.

It's true that no one can be all things to all people, so it’s normal to start out with a therapist and later discover they’re not your cup of tea. That’s okay because variety is the spice of life and we can’t be a perfect fit for everyone—that’s part of being human. If your therapist isn’t your cup of tea, it may be time to find a new one.

Before you do so, pause and consider whether your therapist isn’t your cup of tea because they challenge you (and growth often feels hard and uncomfortable) or because you don’t feel that they can be emotionally safe or offer what you need. This could be an important observation to bring to the therapist to determine what’s happening in your dynamic and see if it can be repaired or if it’s time to move on.

For more on how to find a good therapist, check out this post.

2. Take notes after session

Therapy is a super impactful experience that can lead to significant change. It’s often most effective when the matters discussed in session are integrated into life outside of therapy.

Once you leave your session, take a few minutes to reflect on what came up during the session. Remember to be kind to yourself as you observe what was noteworthy—it can be valuable to start with acknowledging your own courage for doing the hard work of vulnerability.

Perhaps create a “Post-Session” notebook with any new skills or tools that you want to incorporate into the week ahead. Consider if there was anything that came up in the session that you want to spend more time reflecting on. Identify how you plan to incorporate what you learned or experienced in session into your day-to-day. Note if there’s anything you felt you didn’t have enough time for and would want to circle back to in the next session.

Check out What Should I Do After Session? for more thoughts on post-session rhythms.

3. Reflect before session

Life is full and busy, so it’s easy to step into session in a flurry, feeling unfocused. You might find you get more from the time if you’re able to set aside 10-15 minutes before your session to reflect. Some people find it most useful to spend two minutes breathing deeply, settling the body and mind.

Once your body feels at ease, do a mental scan of the time since the last session. Identify any significant events or experiences that you would want to process. Identify areas of growth and challenge that you’ve experienced since the last session. Determine what feels like the priority to bring to session.

This is a good time to check back on the “Post-Session” notes (see #2). Consider if you’d like to pick up on where things left off or if you want to shift course in a new direction. A good question to ask yourself is “What am I needing from session today?” Bring this awareness to your therapist to help guide your session in a way that feels meaningful to you.

For further thoughts on how to structure your reflection time before session, check out How to Prepare for Therapy Sessions.

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Your growth in therapy is of paramount importance. While there really is no rush to your growth process, it is fair to want the time to be used well. Knowing ways to make the most of your therapy experience can help you gain clarity on what you need and communicate it effectively with your therapist.

References:

Ardito RB, Rabellino D. Therapeutic alliance and outcome of psychotherapy: historical excursus, measurements, and prospects for research. Front Psychol. 2011 Oct 18;2:270. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00270. PMID: 22028698; PMCID: PMC3198542.