Three things to expect from good therapy—and the caveats.

If it’s your first experience going to therapy or you’ve gone before but felt it didn’t quite click, you may be unsure of what to expect from your therapist. While every therapist practices in a manner suited to their unique style and theoretical orientation, there are a few key things that good therapy should provide you as the client. Afterall, you don’t want to pay for a conversation that could’ve been had over coffee with a good friend.

Here are appropriate baseline expectations for therapy:

• Clear goals about what “getting better” looks like to you

• Honest and professional feedback about the struggles you’re facing

• Skills, tools, or new mindsets to help facilitate growth in between sessions

1.    Established goals for treatment

For therapy to be productive, there must be goals that are being worked towards. In the same way that driving in a new place without directions or an address feels fruitless, therapy without an end goal can feel meandering and unmeaningful. It is your therapist’s job to facilitate creating a treatment plan that establishes the point of pain you’re at right now and the end goal for improvement in specific areas of life.

The Caveat:

It is important that you as the client are coming up with the goals and not leaving it to your therapist to determine what needs to be “better” about your life. Your therapist can’t know what needs to change in your life or where to focus therapeutic efforts unless you let them know what you’re experiencing and what you want to be different. In fact, it’s often detrimental to have a therapist make up your goals for you.

You get to decide what growth looks like and what you’re aiming for, and it’s your therapist’s job to facilitate the session in a meaningful way towards exploring those goals.

2. Feedback about what you share

While it’s true that good therapy is non-judgmental and client-centered, you don’t want to spend the whole session talking without any input from your therapist. You can expect that your therapist will act like a mirror—reflecting back to you insights about what you share. This may mean that your therapist will provide psychoeducation relevant to the challenges you’re facing. This may also mean that your therapist will reflect back to you what it’s like to experience you. Your therapist may make observations about you and bring it to your awareness—such as noting your body language or inviting you to be curious about your emotions as you’re sharing.

The Caveat:

Your therapist should not give you their personal opinions or feedback about what decisions in your life you should or should not make.

Good therapy involves you getting to explore what’s important to you, learning to trust yourself, and getting equipped to make choices that are integrous to your personal values and goals.

3. Skills for outside of session

An hour a week, or every other week, may be all you need to achieve the growth you’re after, but sometimes we need more. Your therapist can be expected to offer you suggestions about how to implement the change you’re seeking in your life, which may require learning new skills, acquiring new tools, or developing new mindsets.

This may involve

• Physical practices for how to care well for your body

• Mental practices to help you attend to your thoughts in a new way

• Emotional and relational skills to navigate matters more effectively

Some therapists also suggest books that assist in developing a new way to think about what you’re experiencing.

The Caveat:

Some therapists don’t regularly assign or suggest homework or teach skills in session. This could be because those suggestions could feel burdensome to clients.

If you’re feeling like you’re needing more from your therapist in the way of skills and tools outside of session, know that it’s okay to ask for more—they may be holding back due to not wanting to overwhelm you with more “to-dos.”

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There is a myriad of ways to treat mental, emotional, and relational health in today’s world of therapy, but each of them should include clear goals, honest and professionally informed feedback, and skills to navigate life outside of session.

If you haven’t gotten these things from your work with a therapist, it may be a good idea to ask if your therapist can incorporate them into your work together or find a new therapist that can meet your needs.

See my blog on how to find a therapist that’s a good fit.