Grieving is a part of life that all humans experience. It’s a reality we can’t avoid. When held well, grief experiences can transform into embodied wisdom and deep meaningful connection to self and others. Here’s what every human should about the types of grief, stages of grief, and the needs of processing grief.

Types of Grief

There are a variety of types of grief. Some grief appears more obvious than others. We most commonly associate the experience of grief with the loss of a loved one to death. That type of grief is referred to as a bereavement loss. There are, however, many more types of grief that are often harder to spot, but if you’ve been there, you know how it feels.

Consider, for example, the college graduate who moves states away for their dream job. Can you relate with the symbolic grief represented in the transition from college into full-blown “adulting?” Perhaps you can relate to the grief of unmet expectations for the future she imagined in this highly anticipated transition.

Or consider the mid-thirties woman who has dreamed her whole life of being a mother and finally becomes one, and then discovers suddenly how much she misses her freedom, independence, and sleep. Can you see how there’s symbolic grief even amidst the joy of new life? Can you feel her shame at grieving such a thing?

Many can relate to the heartache of an elderly loved one who gets diagnosed with Dementia and slowly forgets who they are - we often acknowledge grief once the loved one has passed, but what about the anticipatory grief and symbolic loss of connection that is ambiguous as the loved one is still physically present but mentally absent?

There’s a category of grief reserved for those losses that are stigmatized amongst family, friends, culture, and society at large. These losses aren’t given the same compassion and presence that is so readily offered to those who have a more “acceptable” grief. This kind of grief is called disenfranchised grief and often includes losses due to suicide, loss of a pet, grief in the wake of a trauma that society perceives as preventable or taboo.

Whatever the life circumstance is, you can expect that as you navigate through life, you will experience loss. This is inevitable because change is inevitable. Wherever there is change — even a good or desired change — there will be loss because one things is traded out for another, so there will be things left behind and missed. Given the reality that change and grief are experiences we all navigate, it serves us to understand what to expect and what to do with our grief when we meet it in ourselves and our communities.

Stages of Grief

Elizabeth Kubler Ross conducted research on the experience of dying and identified five stages that individuals go through in their dying process. These stages then got translated into the experience of bereaved loved ones. Since then, other thought-leaders and researchers have added to the stages.

The stages of grief include:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance.

Others have added anxiety as a stage of grief, as well as finding meaning as a final stage of grief. A common misconception about the stages of grief is that they happen sequentially. The stages of grief represent the ebb and flow of various emotions involved in the grieving process. You might experience denial shortly after receiving the news of a loss. However, it’s just as real to experience denial five years down the road. You may find that you go in and out of feeling an acceptance toward the loss.

The stages of grief are most helpful for identifying the normal emotional experiences involved in grief. The best we can do is to acknowledge the stage we’re in and allow ourselves to feel it rather than resist it.

What You Need to Heal Grief

David Kessler is another leader in the realm of grief experiences and healing from loss. In his work, he identifies six needs of grieving. The six needs are:

1. The need for the pain to be witnessed

2. The need to express feelings

3. The need to release the burden of guilt

4. The need to be free of old wounds

5. The need to integrate the pain and the love

6. The need to find meaning in life after loss

In a grief experience, having the supportive presence of another is an essential part of healing. When individuals don’t have a safe supportive person to process their pain with, they may find that they get stuck in a part of their grief. It can be immensely powerful to have someone else witness your story and experience of grief, to hold space for your feelings, to listen carefully as you process guilt and release the pain while integrating love and landing in a place of meaning.

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It is powerful to be the recipient of such care. It is also powerful to get to be the one holding space for the processing of grief. It is an honor that I don’t hold lightly. If you are grieving and need someone in your corner to help you process the loss, transition, or life event, I would be honored to support you. Reach out today for a free 15-minute phone call consultation.