It happens to all of us - the day is passing and things just don’t seem to be going our way. Perhaps this trend has been going on for hours, days, weeks, or even years. And you want relief. Sometimes you hate that you feel so strongly, but you don’t know how to change it.

You might not believe it now, but your negative emotions are good. They tell you what’s going on and how you’re experiencing life. They convey meaning and needs. Emotions hold valuable information. But when they’re negative or upsetting it can feel like they’re against you. The key here is to learn how to tune in to the feeling - yes, even the negative ones - to really understand what they’re saying and then discern how to meet the need beneath.

It can be hard to start, so here are some journaling prompts to explore as you dig in.

But first, set the scene.

Make sure you’re in a comfortable spot. You might choose to sit up so that you don’t drift into sleep in an unintentional avoidance of feeling. It might be nice to journal your thoughts on paper to align with your intention to stay with the feeling rather than trail off. Some might prefer instead of writing, to imagine a conversation between their compassionate Self and the part of them that’s feeling the negative emotion.

Whether you’re choosing to meditate or journal, be sure to have the posture of befriending your negative emotion, rather than judging it or investigating it in a demanding or demeaning way. It might help to think of someone who is nurturing, and imagine that they are responding to your negative emotion with curiosity and positive regard.

Journal Prompts

• What is the name of the emotion I’m feeling? Use a Feeling’s Wheel if needed.

• What is the story of the situation I experienced that led to this feeling?

• What is the meaning I’m making of myself right now, based on this feeling and experience?

  • Use an “I” statement focused on themes of worth, safety, control/choice, responsibility/fault

    • I’m not enough

    • I am powerless

    • I should’ve known better

    • I can’t trust others

• What is the sensation of this emotion?

  • Where do I feel sensation in my body when I think of this feeling?

  • Does the sensation have a temperature or texture?

  • How intense does the sensation feel?

  • Does the sensation have a color to it?

  • Is is stagnant or moving?

• What is it like to notice the sensation of the emotion?

  • Does the sensation grow, remain, or shrink?

  • Do additional emotions or sensations arise? Discern which emotion or sensation to focus on - the initial one or any secondary ones that popped up.

• What is the message this emotion is trying to convey?

  • If the emotion/body sensation could speak, what would it say?

  • If you were to pass a microphone to that part of the body, holding the emotion, what would it share?

• What is it like to notice the message of the emotion?

  • Is there an immediate reaction to the message?

    • Judgment

    • Acceptance

    • Sadness

    • Compassion

  • Is this message familiar?

  • Is this message surprising?

• What is the need that this emotions is conveying?

  • Is there a need for acknowledgement or validation? Consider telling yourself, “It’s okay to feel this.” Or “It makes that I could feel this way.”

  • Is there a practical need to resolve this feeling? Perhaps an action step for you to consider taking.

  • Is there an internal need? Perhaps a need for compassion, reassurance, connection, etc.

  • Is the need that’s present one that you can meet for yourself or does this need require support outside of you?

  • What is your reaction to having this need?

    • Acceptance and permission

    • Judgement and shame

• Is there a history to this feeling?

  • Are there experiences in the past that are associated to how the emotion is showing up at present?

  • If past experiences are connected, discern your desire to visit those with compassionate curiosity, or to contain them and return to the present.

  • If there’s a readiness and safety to explore the past experiences, notice what meaning you make of the past experiences, especially as it relates to the present situation.

• Notice what you’re feeling in your body now as you’ve spent time with the emotion.

  • Are you energized, more clear, calm?

  • Are you overwhelmed, exhausted, or numb?

• Discern if you’re ready to shift your attention away or if you’d like to linger longer.

When you’ve discerned your journaling or meditation has come to a good stopping point, imagine setting any lingering distress in a mental container to come back to whenever you’re ready. Take some deep belly breaths. Ground your body back into the moment by noticing the ground beneath you, the air around you. Notice the objects in the room, the sounds in your space. Shift your attention back to the present, taking with you any insights that surfaced.